I had the nicest interview today. I was a nervous rambling wreck of course. My interviewer was kind and supportive. The vibe in the office was positive and comforting. But no amount of kindness I am afraid could reverse the jittering blob of nerves that I had become.
None of the prep work, practice interviewing, and pep talking seems to have the power to reverse the trajectory 
of the flaming ball of interview failure that I can become when faced with an interview. I am the proverbial deer caught in headlights. It’s a shame really because I think I have a lot to offer. In fact I am like an office super-hero. I will give 2000% and work my fingers to the bone. I am passionate and positive and gosh darn it people like me.
But do I say any of this in an interview? Do I wow them with my years of experience and project management skills? Do I bewitch them with my creativity and ideas? Do I woo them with my experience? No, no, no and no.
I think those of is saddled with this affliction should get special dispensation. Should we 
pass the “Oh my you ARE the worst interview ever!” test then we should be enrolled in the “Employee Test Drive” program. As part of this program potential employers skip the interview process and instead have the potential employee do the job for a month.Test Drive pays the employee for the trial month and is then reimbursed, plus a small finders fee for those that are hired. If after the month the employer is not pleased the relationship ends. No harm, no foul.
I might have to launch this one myself. Who better to run this than the poster child for the affliction?
Would that work for the companies, though? The first month of employment in a high-performing position is almost always a time where managers and co-workers are investing more into the employee (task-specific training, learning about how the company works/doesn’t) than they are getting out of the employee in terms of productivity. That investment is more than worth it, once the person is up to speed and you’re getting a long term top-notch contributor out of it! But if you’re talking about possibly spending month after month training a succession of fresh test trial folks on the same job – that could be a daunting prospect.
Also, consider the agony of that 30 day period. It would be like being on an interview for 30 days! If you make it to the stage where you are hired, isn’t it a thousand times better to feel you’ve got a bit of breathing room, to know they picked you, they wanted you, and now you can really learn every rope and how to shoulder each load, to wow them with it by the time of the 90 day eval? Instead of a 30 day make-or-die cutoff – a chilling prospect, if the job is at all complex!
Of course, what you’re describing does happen in the case of a temp-to-indispensable situation, but I get the sense the positions you’re shooting for are not the kind that could ever have been designated temp anyway. You’re a power player!
That’s how you come across at least. Alice what you should do is, do what I do: go into each interview having done some homework on the gig. Ask some questions about the company philosophy and the work environment. You’re nervous because you want to be picked! You need to flip the script in your mind: you’re not there for them to decide (if you’re the kind of employee they want) – you’re there for you to decide (if they’re the kind of company you want to work for). You are interviewing them – not in a haughty or obnoxious way, just in a cool, confident and interested way.
It’s not just a mind trick, either – think about some of the awful jobs you might have walked into in the past! Could the trouble signs have been spotted earlier, if you hadn’t been desperate for them to say yes to you?
Of course, you have to choose the questions you ask very carefully.
True about the training issue. I come from a toss-you-in-the-deep-end sink-or-swim what-the-heck-is-training?? kind of background. It’s how I grew up and as a result it seems totally normal to me. In fact I guess I learned to thrive on it and I forget that the rest of the world doesn’t operate that way.
Darn…one more “fabulous idea” that in the light of day is not so fabulous. Back to the drawing board on that one.
Great advice on the interviewing thing and I couldn’t agree more! 🙂
I actually go to an interview super-duper prepared. I practically have a book of research by the time I go for the interview. A habit of mine I am not sure is good or bad. I think of it as being prepared. Some, like my husband, would call it over prepared….lol
Ok I admit watching PowerPoints on Social Media Marketing in the non-profit arena BEFORE I even have the interview might be overkill. But it is in my nature. If it is worth doing it is worth DOING.
And yup I do the “you are interviewing them” thing. I intellectually know this is the truth. I need to see if I feel they are a good fit for me as much as they have to see if I am a good fit for them. I even write down the questions about the work environment and what it is they like about working there because I agree these are important aspects of figuring out if I want to work someplace. I even ask them. But in the end my affliction and internal chatter reduce me to that aforementioned jittering blob.
I’ll keep working on it. One day I will master this. Or if the universe smiles down upon me perhaps I will be snatched up and not have to master it. 🙂
Please God no to that last sentence – I’m not ready for the rapture yet! I have enough on my plate as it is, without having to pick up the slack when all those living saints go missing.
Oh if it was the rapture I’d be sitting here right along with you. No worries.
Tips From The Other Side of the Desk:
1. Please have your teeth in before the interview begins. It is hard to keep a straight face when you realize you forgot them and pop those babies in during our conversation.
2. Try to be honest about your felony charges. We will find out when we NC123 you anyway.
3. It is always good when the name you provide matches the name on the license you hand me so I can make a copy.
4. Don’t try to bluff on AI. Just admit you are unfamiliar with it. It’s rather obvious when you are confronted with a live animal & a tube of frozen semen for the first time.
Seriously, Alice, I hope everything works out for you. I’d hire you based on your blog alone! Funny, bright, creative…what’s not to like? 🙂
Don’t sweat the Rapture. Waaaaay over-rated.
He he he…gotta remember about those teeth next time. Darn, I knew there was something I was forgetting.
Thanks Joe! I am sure things will work out as they are intended and one day the interview horror period will be just a distant memory 🙂
Yeah I suspected as much about the Rapture.
Good luck on the callback, Alice!
Dear Alice, I’ve tried to be good and not mention it buuuut…in the comment above did you accidentally call me Joe or were you addressing the both of us? LOL
I must say, if you confused us, I’m certainly flattered! It’s my rapier wit, right? My towering intellect? My wry self-deprecation?
As long as it’s not a beard thing. I haven’t worn one since my short stint with the circus many years ago. 😉
Jamie…I am easily confused and I am a super-star when it comes to typo-accidents. So both lead to situations like the one above…lol
I’d go back and fix the comment. But then your comment wouldn’t make any sense anymore. So I will leave the wrong name there for all to see for eternity…ha ha
I’ll blame it on stress and lack of caffeine 🙂
I indulged in a Pumpkin Spice Latte, skinny, but with a MOUND of whipped cream for lunch, accompanied by a delicious BOOK. My stress therapy of choice.
I hope you didn’t mind my teasing…something about the mix-up just cracked me up. “It’s the wrong NAME, Gromit!” 🙂
Delicious sounding therapy both the Latter AND the book!
Mind? No way! Cracked me up too. It’s the little things…he he he 🙂
Oh and the callback went swimmingly. The nicest people. The most positive vibe I have ever felt in an office. If all interviewing were like the ones at this place I’d sail through them. They managed to make it a pleasant experience. I didn’t even think that was possible! 🙂
But the disappointingly sad (ok heartbreaking really…such a positive work environment) news is that I was the in that dreaded spot of being “over-qualified.” I can honestly say it was the nicest turn down I have ever had.
Oh, Alice, I’m sorry. Truly. I shall be hoping for a most excellent position to come your way.